Good Relationships Are Built Around Trust

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Author: Roseanna Leaton

Roseanna Leaton

DHP, MIAPH, BSc (hons)(Psych) LLB

Mistrust in any relationship is a recipe for discomfort or potentially disaster. If you don't trust someone then you will act in ways that are guarded instead of open. Acting thus takes a lot of effort and saps your energy. It also has a tendency to push the other partner away.

You may justify your mistrust of your partner because they have earned your doubts and fears. If this is the case and you have made a logical decision to give them another chance then it is important to proceed in a way that is positive as opposed to negative. If you are giving them a chance, they need to experience the benefit of a real chance and not one that is half-hearted.

Sometimes, your partner has in fact done nothing to earn your mistrust. Some people live in a constant state of doubt, fear and mistrust, perhaps because of past experiences that have not been properly put to bed. But suspicion inevitably drives a partner away in the end; fear of loss ends up being the primary perpetrator of loss.

If you feel mistrust in your relationship, either in yourself or emanating from your partner it is vital that you take time to communicate with each other and iron out these wrinkles before they become irreparable tears. You might think that you are too scared of repercussions to do this, but if you allow a lack of trust to live freely within your relationship it will end up coming between you in major ways. It constitutes the equivalent of allowing a heavily armed and unknown enemy to roam freely within your camp.

It is important also to focus upon things that will build trust in your relationship. Just as fear of loss perpetrates loss, when you choose to focus upon building trust this is exactly what you will do. Needless to say, I don't mean not letting the other person out of your sight! That doesn't build trust; it merely puts off the inevitable.

Good relationships are built from a perspective of inner self-confidence and self worth. When you feel confident you will communicate well and know what is important to you in a relationship. With confidence you know what your boundaries are, what you are willing to put up with and where your cut-off point lies. When you feel confident and value your worth as an individual you will both talk and express yourself easily, listen properly to your partner and be able to walk away if that proves to be the most appropriate action.

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